Legacy Tradition: The 18th Birthday Trip
Next week, I take my youngest daughter, Alexandria “Alex”, on her 18th birthday trip.. just the two of us. Before I get to that fun trip, a little back story is needed as such an extravagant trip does not come on the heels of the rich, but the love and drive of a once single mom with a desire to have a strong bond with my daughters’ - collectively and individually.
The tradition started back in 2014.. over 10 years ago. To paint the picture, I was a single mom with 14, 10 and 8-year-old daughters. At the time, my 14-year was struggling (come in close - it’s about to get real but I will only share what I feel appropriate for that is not my story to tell). She was playing with fire - boys, drugs, alcohol .. much I didn’t know. She also struggled emotionally with self-harm.. caloric restriction and cutting. It was a dark, dark, dark scary part of my life and suffice it to say, in our little family life whom I call Legacy. There were plenty of hard nights..lots of yelling and late nights of ‘what the next day hold’. I tried many things including therapy and psychiatry and I tried desperately to connect with my daughter to which I got “Fuckyous”, unanswered calls, and door slams.. a lot of door slams and lots of “fuckyous”.
That was my life.. our life.
Then I got a tax return.. yes.. a tax return of close to $4000. And while I needed that money for necessities and bills, I saved that $4000 and told Jade, when she turns 18, we would take a trip..just her and me..where she wanted..as long as it cost us $4000. And the seed was planted..and I meant it to my bones and every mama cell in my body.
Over the next few years, it wasn’t just the tax return, but life seemed to shift. I got remarried and she went to rehab and she changed schools. Again other things are not for this time; but let’s say, I no longer got “fuckyou”.
Jade and I at the yoga class in Barcelona (2018)
Jade turned 18th and the time had come for us to take a trip. After searching flights and locations we settled on a unique adventure: fly into Barcelona and fly out of Paris. We had a week to figure out how we got to Paris.. and that was the adventure. I put some bones in place for us to stay, but nothing was in stone, and we had the time and space to make up our trip - we ate tapas, danced to street music, went to a club (very, very late), ate paella, took a yoga class, went to the Louve, played cards and drank wine on the train, went a farmers market and so much more. It was a gift and memories I treasure… thus started the 18th Birthday Trip.
Jade’s situation was unique and rare but it brought out a fundamental part of being a mom: we would do ANYTHING for our children’s life, wellbeing, and health. Time and time together..quality time.. is more valuable than anything we could buy. From the moment the seed was planted, just us planning the trip, brought us closer together.
Jade getting crepes in Toulouse, France
This trip also hits on another note of me raising three daughters, I wanted them to have life skills and adventure skills to live a full life - traveling is one of those skills. Catching a flight, being on the right side of the train tracks, ordering food, helping a stranger or asking a stranger for help is part of life and part of what enriches our lives. This trip was about coming of age - you are an adult. You are in charge of yourself. I essentially cut the cord and gave my kids the permission and grace to be on their own feet. I follow their lead and see what choices they make and in that, it fosters a beautiful person with their own values and thoughts.
One other special element. I remember the freedom and adventure in my spirit when I was 18. I went to Portugal as an exchange student for three months - not knowing the language and living with a family I never met before. That age is such a key time to explore and to have no fear of trying new things, meeting new people, and seeing what you are about. There is a freedom, a feeling, that for me brings curiosity and excitement. I love seeing this in them and also rekindling that spirit in myself which is the cornerstone of my day to day that gets squashed with schedules and deadlines.
Serena’s 18th Trip - Cusco or bust!
Serena and I were meant to go to Machu Picchu for her 18th Trip in 2022 - a destination I’ve dreamt of going to and a place she equally was intrigued, curious and excited about. This is the Serena who summited Mount Whitney by herself. This is the tough girl who didn’t have just one ACL surgery but a total of three knee surgeries (and she’s only 20!) and who had to hang up her soccer cleats. She had come to embrace hiking, packing and camping. She was good at it, she was strong and smart and she loved being outside and in the peaceful vibe of nature.
We trained and we got our gear ready for 4 day and 3-night trek on Inca trail with Alpaca Expedition. The day before we left, Serena mentions government unrest but I didn’t realize the extent of what that meant. While we were in the air heading toward Lima, Peru, the streets were full of protestors and the roads had shut down and essentially Peru was closed. We slept in the airport not knowing what would happen and hoping things would suddenly shift like a rainstorm.
“We are currently sitting in the Lima airport with no flights going to Cusco in the next two days.” and this is all the airlines could tell us.
With our luggage packed with hiking boots, rain jackets and cold weather gear, we decided to shift our destination from Peru to Cancun, Mexico. Serena and I spent the next week drinking pina coladas, reading by the ocean, and just relaxing (exercise was doing jazzercise in the pool).
Serena and I had adventure with the unknown in our faces and worked together to be safe, adjust and find fun in what we had. However.. we both feel there is an unresolved goal to be met.
Alex’s 18th Trip - FUTBOL!!
When I asked Alex where she wanted to go..there wasn’t a millisecond that went by “I want to see a soccer game”. A side note about Alex: she has played soccer since she was itty bitty (4 or 5 years old). She quickly became a goalie and now plays on the Legends San Diego National Team and will be heading off to Millersville University in August 2025 to play soccer for their D2 womens team and study to become a PA. So yes…it was no surprise she chose soccer.
We looked into a few different countries. She was very pragmatic and at our first planning meeting, she asks ” how much do we have”. (That has not change - each daughter gets the same $4000.) We looked at flights which was the deciding factor. We found reasonable round trip tickets to Barcelona for $1600 RT for both of us. We got futbol tickets for Barca - YAY!!! And then looked around Europe for other games and landed on Man City vs. Man United!!! WHAT!!?? With a call to Simon’s sister in Manchester, she was able to vouch for the tickets and offered us a place to stay - the trip was cemented.
Next week we head out to Barcelona, we have a quick side trip to Lyon, France and then off to Manchester, UK for our last game before making our way back to Barcelona to catch our flight home - and we are both squealing with excitement!!
My life is different now with a big home for all the children, I know longer stress at the checkout line if I have enough money to pay for groceries, and all my girls are thriving and I have a bonus daughter too who also took a trip with Simon. And yet, as a mom, having the struggles squeezed the beauty of life to the surface which I hold tight - take time to be with your family.
As for Jade and Serena, they have both traveled solo since their 18th Birthday trip - Jade went back to Spain and Serena traveled to Italy and then to Africa for a study abroad program.
To my children… I love you!